** this was supposed to be posted Monday but come to find it was still sitting in my drafts folder. Oops. One of these days I’ll post on the correct day. **
(This was previously my Facebook post.. but as I revise this, she’s using me and my shirt as a means to pull herself up and bounce. Literally climbing all over me. She also had her first crawls today.)
Here’s the real, raw definition. Within the past two hours, I laid practically motionless breastfeeding her for an hour in hopes that she’d fall asleep. So it seemed safe, so I unlatched her like a freaking ninja and slipped away. So I manage to get a centimeter away and the dogs find a random passerby to bark at as if someone were here. Nope, nothing there. Thanks guys. Tiny, furry a-holes. So she’s sitting here wide awake, staring at me, now pooping herself in her diaper. So I get up to change her and apparently mid-change, I find out she isn’t done. I find out as I’m cleaning up the spit up coming out from the other end, with things just adding to my to do list. One for instance, is sucking the dripping snot through a tube (those nose fridas really weird me out okay?) Because now apparently she has a cold. And all the while I haven’t showered since yesterday and all I’ve eaten is breakfast today (which was at 5 PM) and I was up since 6 AM (running on 4 hours of sleep). So I send my husband to get me pizza rolls for dinner while he’s working 12 hour shifts at night temporarily and I haven’t busted into them bad boys yet, why? Because I’d rather spend that inkling of time on the floor of my hallway, making weird collages from magazines, and having me time accompanied by a tiny human who is surrounded by toys but would rather
A- suck on and play with her comb
B- find random dust bunnies to seriously study and gradually move to her lips
C- fight me like a tiny, angry monkey for my magazine clippings AND SHARP scissors.
D- talk to the couch and put all the dirt that she can find in this small corner in her mouth.
Oh and that on top of me trying to adjust her sleep schedule and getting her to fall asleep in her crib alone for naps but still cosleep with me at night. So if you’re wondering why I am on the floor in the hallway in the first place, it’s because I sat outside of her door, watching her nap for two hours because I emotionally couldn’t take her sleeping in her crib for the first time and wanted to make sure she was okay, even though the sound of her crying for even two minutes broke my heart into tiny pieces.
I’ll even admit that I even squeezed into her crib temporarily with her to calm her at some point today.
And the best part? I’m NOT EVEN COMPLAINING. I love this baby more than life itself and being her mother is the best job I’ve ever had. She doesn’t come with insurance or 401k or vacation time or days off hahaha but who needs that when you have the love and joy of this creature.
And I couldn’t be happier even on the bad days. Life is crazy but so rewarding.