LOVEurself

Stop looking in the mirror and HATING your body. It’s YOURS. Seriously. There’s such a stigma about be too “fat” or being too “skinny”. You feel judged. But people see the beauty you carry on the inside. It sounds cliche, but no one really notices the things you do. They don’t see that one extra roll that you think is the only thing that shows on your body. You are TRULY beautiful.

YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

It doesn’t matter if you’re big or small // tall or short // dark or light.

S.

I’ve struggled with this my ENTIRE life. I hated my body so much and still struggle with it. After doing this shoot, I never felt more comfortable in my skin than that moment. I knew I had more junk hanging out of my trunk than the other girls. But they didn’t see it. They saw me. I didn’t feel disgusting. I felt normal. I may be too harsh on myself any other time, but I loved doing this shoot. After I had my firstborn, I knew I had some work to do. I lost 50 lbs on top of everything I lost after delivery and with breastfeeding. It took me months of vigorous exercise and strict dieting. Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant with twins. What an anomaly! I grew twice the size over again and was left with extra skin, so much so that it has a concave shape on either side. My stretch marks mark the place where my two babies grew at the same time. It blows my mind. I’m trying to remind myself that I can change it if I want to, but I don’t have to for society’s standards or to think that my friends will like me more if I was thinner. No one even cares.

A M.

Hips that widen and feel uncomfortable Stomachs that never stop itching no matter how much lotion you put on Hardly any marks to show the wonderful new life I created The morning sickness that made me want to tumble to a soft bed Cravings everyday, non stop water intake and the many bathroom trips In awe of watching my body change to accommodate a new life I would do it all over again and love my body even more

A H.

Since high school I’ve always struggled with my self image. I wanted so badly to have perfect hips or the flattest stomach like the other girls. Since then it’s been a long rocky road of having days where I felt like a goddess and then the days I felt like the a chunky slob. But lucky for me I’m surrounded my such a positive group of girls who bring me up when I’m down and remind me how beautiful I am. I may not have the flattest stomach or curves in all the right places but everyday I’m loving it more and more!

K.

For me, I’ve always struggled with myself. It was always a love/hate relationship. I never thought it was good enough. To this day I still have my ups and downs with it. But now that I have a daughter, I want to teach her to love herself no matter what. I never want her to feel the way I do at times. It will be tough. I will always be there for her to run to when she feels down. I look at these photos of her and I and all the insecurities melt away. Doing this shoot with Sami, Amanda, Alex and Ashley was absolutely amazing. It as such a joy and really helped me love myself more, especially with this new post partum body I earned from having a beautiful daughter. That is so rewarding, my heart and soul is filled with gold.

A R.


Body image. It’s a scary word for some people. I haven’t struggled as much as I feel others may have, but I’ve had my fair share of insecurities. Sure, my build is quite petite, but for most of my life I’ve had the shape of a 12 year old boy. Straight as a board, just like my hair, but that’s a story for another day. I say for most of my life because I feel like my hips are starting to pop out, faintly, but they’re there! When I do gain weight, it all goes to my belly, which is great because then people assume I’m pregnant (it was one time, but I’m scarred ok!) All of that to say, I feel like I’m at a good place now. I’ve realized I get to be in control of how I see myself. And when I look in the mirror, I see a badass queen who is ready to take on the world. Life is too short to look back and say things like “I used to be so skinny” or “I wish I was that skinny now.” I’ve learned happiness starts in your mind, when you can start seeing yourself as the queen you truly are, you will love looking in that mirror in the morning. It’s not an easy road, but sooooo worth it. Love Yo’ Self!

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“double. trouble.”

Baby ‘A’, baby ‘B’
Color coded red and Blue
My heart fills double when I think of you.

Twenty tiny fingers and and twenty tiny toes
You wiggle and giggle together
With just one kiss on the nose

Back and forth crying at times, as we only know
Back to back diaper changes, tandem feeding, and a workout when we go

Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Also you could make a fortune when they say

“You have your hands full”, “Double trouble”, and “oh, my, twins?”
They may give stares and cluck about like old hens
But as far as genetics go, ignoring people’s negative comments,
This is surely a win

Yes it may be hard, sometimes you feel so isolated
Not many can offer advice without leaving you feeling berated

But receiving twice the love and twice the kisses,
Seeing both of you smile and look up at me,
It truly erases all the random and unwarranted disses.


I love my little boys so much.

So I figured I’d give everyone a little glimpse into my life with twin identical boys. I should really create a FAQ t-shirt and wear it every time I leave the house. And some of these are the manyyyy things other twin moms are asked. :’D

  1. Yes they’re identical. I had them genetically tested when I was 11-weeks pregnant.
  2. I tell them apart because I spend every second of every day with them. They have totally different personalities, voices, and mannerisms. But yes, I did paint their toes and leave their hospital bracelets on until they almost cut off circulation. (With all that said, I do mix them up still sometimes.)
  3. How do I do it? With so much love and as much patience as I can possibly muster.
  4. Yes, I’m breastfeeding them.
  5. No, they aren’t double trouble, they’re only babies.
  6. They’re 6 minutes apart. Ezra was born first.
  7. I had a vaginal, unmedicated birth, but they were in the NICU for about two weeks. So it wasn’t ‘easy’, like assumed.
  8. No, twins do not run in my family. Somewhere down the line, I’m sure there WERE twins, but no one I was directly related to. My husband’s aunts are fraternal, but my twins are totally and 100% spontaneous. They have nothing to do with genetics, since they are identical (aka, my eggs split and bam. two babies.) Fraternal twins are definitely genetic though. If you have a set, there are higher chances to have another set. If you’re mother, grandmother, anyone is a twin, you have increased chances of having twins. The same as if you’re a fraternal twin.
  9. Yes my hands are full, open a door. PLEASE 🙂
  10. BOY AND GIRL TWINS CANNOT BE IDENTICAL EVER. Well, only in extremely rare cases. There is a syndrome that makes that possible. But one has a penis and one has a vagina. l o l
  11. I can hear all of your whispering… so…. yeah.
  12. Please. do. not. touch. newborns. Singles. Twins. Triplets. Quadruplets. NO babies need to be touched on the mouth or hands everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Especially not by strangers.
  13. Having twins is not like having Irish twins. Given, having them close in age IS HARD TOO (we need to stop saying things like “I have it harder than you and appreciate that ALL parents have it difficult.) but it isn’t the same. I wouldn’t go and say I knew what it was like to have triplets if Z was a little younger. I have no idea what triplet moms go through with three at the SAME time. Leaving one to cry their head off while the other is being taken care of, worrying about favoritism, doing everything but double, carrying double the weight, trying to force your body to produce enough for two, etc.
  14. All rules go out the window with twins. They always keep you on your toes.
  15. Identical twins have different fingerprints.
  16. And no, I don’t mind all the questions. I’m completely fine with it. As long as they’re not screaming or squirming because I’ve been sitting in the aisle for too long trying to grocery shop. L o l then I’m trying to hurry.
  17. It’s not okay to ask another woman how she conceived her baby(ies). Fertility/infertility is none-of-ya-damn-businesszzzz. 😐

<3

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don’t hesitate. give.

So here’s the thing. Last year, my husband and I went through a financial nightmare. He lost one job after another and we just could not get ahead. Then we got pregnant.

With Twins.

And our first born was quickly approaching her third birthday.

We then lost two of our beloved pets, one two weeks right after the other. We did not have any money for anything. We skimped on food, gas, and picked what bills we wanted to pay.

We were barely making it.

I was struggling to work because carrying the twins was rough. My hours were dropping due to the fact that they were exceptionally heavy to carry. Because my body assumed my pregnancy was complete halfway in, this caused constant contractions from the minute I stood up to the minute I laid down. I powered through the days I clocked in and managed to work until my 34-week mark. I delivered a week later.

Then our landlord decided to sell the house we lived in for the past five years. We couldn’t find a place so we moved back in with family. Then not two weeks later, our only source of transportation broke down infinitely.

But this is not what my post is about. Trust me, there’s a book coming for that one.

My thoughts tonight are about giving. Everything we went through has made me a better person. I’ve become more humble and focused on everyone else, even though we’re not quite on our own feet just yet. I didn’t think I could be grounded any further downward, because it wasn’t like it was the first time we ever struggled.

Seven years prior we went through the same thing, but with a huge difference; we didn’t have any children.

Once we got back on our feet that time, we had really good years. Those years we had money to spare and was doing better than okay. We were traveling, eating out at nice restaurants, and buying whatever we needed at any given moment.

During those times, I didn’t think about giving as much as I do now. It’s not that I was being stingy, because materialistic things never meant anything to me; that includes money. We still gave money for birthdays, offered to feed homeless people, and went out of our way to help people. But because I thought we were still struggling then because our budget was still tight, I never reached out with money to those who probably really needed it. We could have forgone a date night or two, to help someone buy food. I only thought about the bills we had to pay so I thought we didn’t have the resources.

But we did.

There’s a reason they say “hindsight is 20/20.”

If we had known then what we knew now, things would have been so very different. Never in my life have I wanted to walk around a grocery store handing out twenty dollar bills more. The problem is that I don’t have any now.

During this past year, so much support has poured into our lives. I cannot even begin to give every single example, as so many people showed where they stand in our lives. I also won’t name names, as I know most of them do not do anything for recognition.

People offered to pay bills, took us to get groceries, drove out of their way to help us, and sent diapers to our house by the box-full. Another friend moved into a makeshift room in our dining room ‘just because’ so she could pay us rent just for an extra income. We were fronted money to move. And once our car went out, people were driving us to doctor appointments. Then we received another huge blessing that inspired this post (thank you VS. <3)

This isn’t the case for everyone and I realize that. Some people struggle so hard. I used to wonder how people became homeless, as I was driving up with their cheeseburgers from McDonalds. The system doesn’t always look out for every single person. It’s disheartening. I hate it.

But because of all this, I’ve started thinking about the world with a different perspective. Kindness is truly all we have left. With all the hate and disaster happening around us, we really do need to band together and show our hearts. I give back every single chance I am able to now. I watch for opportunities and commit. Though, I still struggle with reaching out with my social anxiety, but once I do – I feel such relief. I would carry everyone on my back if I could. But I don’t want the recognition either, as that is not the intent of outreach.

Money sucks. Money is what makes all the gears grind and not everyone has it. Or we don’t have enough of it. But it takes five seconds to discover the context clues of those who need the help.

When you’re standing in a checkout line in a grocery store, pay attention. There may be a mother literally counting the pennies to pay for what she needs for her and her children. Once you notice her casting concerned glances at each number that rings up on the card reader, if you can step in, please do. Or if someone says that they can’t buy something (within reason of course) and have to put it back, jump in and offer to pay for it if you can.

You can to fill up someone’s gas tank. You can offer to go to someone’s house and help them around the house. You can turn around and take food to the homeless man on the corner. You can buy someone’s coffee or pay for their food order. Over-tip. Offer to pay a bill.

We don’t know anyone’s situation. Like I read in an article recently, we don’t come with signs or disclaimers. We just have to be the best versions of ourselves to everyone that we meet.

Sometimes we cannot find even a spare cent, but on those days you can offer hugs. Smile at everyone you come into contact with. Be brave and show love.

Please don’t think that “you don’t have the money” unless you absolutely do not. It always comes back in some way or another. That’s not the reason to do it, but always remember that. The state of humanity is more important than the squabbles of ordinary finances.

My faith has been restored by each and every human being who made me tear up with joy ; by every single person who showed light in the darkest of places. Be that light to as many people as you can. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Love. And love hard. We’re all we have.

<3

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